Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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