OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
