is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
