i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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