He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
