i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize