I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My feet surprised me
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