Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
