He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
