its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
