I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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