my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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