HIV tests are more positive than that guy
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
