xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
