I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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