you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
