you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
