How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
