No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
