i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
