I hate your face
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
