the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize