that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
