Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
