I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
