it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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