ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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