Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
