The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
