He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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