The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
