meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
