They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
