she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
