you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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