So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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