I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
