duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
