Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
not ubering you a puppy
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
