So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
