i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
