So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
