quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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