i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
