Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
