somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
