the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
