I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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