Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
