i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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