You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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