Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
