How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
