Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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