we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
