In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize