just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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