Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
