As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
