too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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