gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
