Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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