I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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