Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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