did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
