boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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