i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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