I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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