Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
