i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
