Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
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