i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize