My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
