I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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